“Itis in your toughest moments that you learn to shine.”

I still remember the moment I first saw Nightbirde perform on America’s Got Talent. Her voice was fragile, steady, full. The audience didn’t just listen. They held their breath. And when she finished singing, she said something that stayed with me ever since:

“You don’t have to wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.”

It wasn't just a line. It was a truth I keep coming back to. In my work, in my life, in the moments when things feel most uncertain. Nightbirde, battling terminal cancer, didn’t ask for pity. She chose joy. That choice, made not in ease but in suffering, is what I want to honor here.

A story that echoes beyond one moment

Her song was called It’s OK. And yet nothing about her life was okay in that moment. Cancer had spread to her lungs, spine, and liver. But when she sang, you saw something remarkable. Not denial. Not resignation. A quiet power. Agency. Peace.

That performance wasn’t just art. It was a kind of coaching moment for all of us watching. A mirror.

Because the truth is, most of us live as if we have to wait.

Wait for the conflict to pass.
Wait for the diagnosis to improve.
Wait for the job to settle, the kids to grow, the pressure to lift.

And only then, maybe, we’ll let ourselves feel happy. But what if that’s backwards?

The Coaching Lens: Breaking Down Nightbirde’s Words

“You don’t have to wait…”

This is a challenge to the idea that life needs to be fixed before it can be lived fully.

In coaching, I often see how people postpone emotional permission.
Permission to rest.
To laugh.
To feel light.

Waiting is passive. Coaching reminds us that we have more power than we think, especially when it comes to our internal world.

“…until life isn’t hard anymore…”

Pain is part of the deal. No one gets through life without facing it. But hardship doesn't have to mean emotional paralysis.
Resilience, presence, meaning; these don’t arrive after the storm. They are forged within it.
Coaching is about building those muscles, not eliminating the weather.

You are worth fighting for, especially when things feel hard.

“…before you decide…”

That word: decide.
It’s quiet but bold. A reminder that we get to choose where we stand emotionally, even when the ground beneath us is shifting.
Coaching helps people notice that moment of choice and own it. To become authors again of their own response.

“…to be happy.”

Not a shallow kind of happy.
Not toxic positivity.
But the deeper kind, the kind made of meaning, presence, and perspective.

Happiness, in this sense, is less a mood and more a stance.
It’s contentment. Gratitude. Wholeness.
And it can live alongside sadness, fear, even grief.

Coaching and the Courage to Choose

Nightbirde’s words carry the very essence of what coaching makes possible.

Not a life without problems, but a life where we stop outsourcing our peace to external circumstances.
Not fake optimism, but grounded hope.
Not control over outcomes, but choice over who we become in the process.

That’s where real power lives.

An Invitation

If you’re reading this and going through something hard right now, here’s a gentle question.

Where are you waiting for things to get easier before allowing yourself to feel joy, or peace, or even just a breath of relief?

And what would shift if you gave yourself permission today?

Thank You, Nightbirde

Jane Kristen Marczewski “Nightbirde” passed away on February 19, 2022. She was 31 years old. But her words live on.

They live on in my coaching practice.
In my conversations with leaders navigating quiet storms.
And in my own decision, again and again, to choose presence over perfection.

Thank you, Nightbirde, for showing us that joy is not the absence of pain, but the presence of choice.

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Watch Nightbirde's performance: AGT Performance
A wonderful tribute to her global influence: Video Tribute